What Should the Koumbari Pay For?

I’m probably writing this after the wedding has happened, but I feel compelled to write since I’ve never heard of the koumbara paying for the bridal shower, and frankly some things on this list are optional, not mandatory. If you want to know what the koumbara is in charge of, you have to look at what Greeks in Greece do. I think with the “Americanization” of Greek weddings, brides have twisted tradition a little to include anything that they don’t want to pay for. Koumbari don’t pay for everything!

Being asked to be a koumbara or koumbaro is an honor which of course comes with many responsibilities, one being that it is tradition for you also to baptize the couple’s first child. I’m getting ahead of myself though…as koumbara, you give a gift at the shower as you normally would being an invited guest, but you are not responsible for paying for the shower. In Greece, they never even have showers for the bride; this is an American tradition. I can see how maybe if you are the sister of the bride, you might want to chip in to pay for it though, but it is by no means a responsibility of the koumbara.

Also, what do you mean by the “krevati”….the actual bed furniture or the bedding? In Greece, this is traditionally bought by the mother of the bride to be used on the night of the “consummation of marriage” & her daughter’s initiation into womanhood. Kind of weird to be payed for by the koumbara?!

I do agree though on paying the tip for the priest, cantor, and caretaker of the church. Dues to the church, membership fees, and wedding fees, however, are paid for by the couple. The lambades, the boubounieres, and the stefana are also bought by the koumbara. However, the tray and the “stefanothike” is optional….often bought by a parent or close relative. It too is not the responsibility of the koumbara.

Gifts of money to throw on the bed and give at the wedding….I think the koumari usually are broke by now so they are not expected to give money at the wedding. Again, some people choose to, but it is like asking your parents to give you money at the wedding when they are the ones who are paying for it. As the koumbari, you are paying for so many things already, including the favors or “boubounieres” that it is not expected for you to hand an envelope with money to the couple.

Good luck!

I am getting married this fall and it did not occur to me to have my sisters (I’ll have two koumbares) pay for any of the things above. I’m sure they will throw me a shower though, and I’m greatly appreciative for that. But I would be embarrassed to expect them to pay for all of the above, and I found this posting as I was searching for candles and stefana online. Just saying, I think it’s a lot to ask of anyone.

Wow. that is a lot of things. I agree with nanatroy that Koumparos/koumpara is not responsible for all of the above.

My Greek boyfriend is going to be a Koumparos in a few days and I have been living in Greece long enough to know the traditions. We live in the island of Crete.

1. Church- Yes (but very small and it is upto the Koumparos on how much)
Also the decorations of the church (INSIDE) which is not so much, the outside of the church is decorated by the couple.

2. Bonbonerie – No/yes. Bonboneries for the wedding (small gift for the guests) is paid by the couple. They can make it as fancy as they want and for however many people.. the koumparos pays for the koufeta that guests take (2-3almonds) from a bowl (That koumparos hold) after the church ceramony after each guest has greeted the couple and koumparos.

So , there is a difference. bonboneries, depending on how many guests, there are varieties to choose from..and quite a bit of money…for the koumparos, he buys 1-2kg and put it in a bowl.

3. Lambathes –Yes.

4. Stephana – Yes.

5. Tray – and a glass bottle and one glass cup. Yes.

6. Brides Veil – No. The bride pays for that.

7. Hen’s night & bridal shower & krevati (with the help of the other bridesmaids). No. There are no “showers” in Greece, and even if there were, everyone would pitch in for their share. (drinks/food.) It is not obligatory, nor expected by the Koumpara/koumparos.

8. Gifts – Maybe, depending on the costs of the wedding. But the Bride & Groom also gifts the koumparos/koumpara with the cost just as much as it cost the koumparos to help with the wedding.
Ex. the wedding preparation (lambathes, stefana, tray..etc will cost 1000€ roughly) and the Bride & groom bought the koumparos a 900€ watch.
Something like that. It is not only the Koumparos going broke over this occasion.

9. Gift of Money – No. After all that…money too?!?!

10. Bridesmaids outfits – shoes, jewelery, spray tan, waxing, hair cut & colour, nails and everything else i need to look great on the day.
-NO. Bridesmaid(s) outfit(s)??? plural?? Just take care of yourself!

Being a Koumparos or koumpara is a big honor, and you have many responsibilities. It also comes with some financial responsibilities, and you should know that communication between the Koumparos/a and the couple is key. You should not feel forced to pay for anything you are not comfortable with, and it is perfectly fine to politely decline one or more of the above.

My husband & I went about things a little backwards….we got pregnant before the wedding. Im Spanish but embraced Orthodox Christianity. His cousin is my son’s Nouna & a different cousin was the Koumbaro…..to the dismay of his parents…….